simply not the way we want our words to come across
by bechloeislove
Summary: Tumblr prompt: "omg can you do an angst one where um beca and chloe are fighting in rehearsal and chloe accidentally says something mean to beca it just slipped and beca is taken back by it and surprisingly crys, runs outta the auditorium and um idk you can choose the end maybe someone says to go after her idk im in this mood pleaseeeee" I hope you like this, because I really do :)


Being compared to her father as a young girl was never a problem. Beca looked up to her dad growing up. She was very close to him and would have never hated the sound of 'you're just like your dad.' That was, of course, until she was fourteen, and she watched as her dad walked out of her house, leaving her mother, never looking back or having the decency to tell Beca goodbye.

* * *

Now that Beca was in college, she had basically gotten to the point of not caring whether her dad was there or not. Even though he was the reason she was at Barden in the first place. Their relationship still stood uneasy. She'd survived this far hadn't she? She was happy. And as a freshman in college she had managed to find a job that she liked, friends that she cared about, but most importantly, a girlfriend that she loved.

* * *

She didn't think that she could do it at first. Everyone else who she had met had the potential to hurt her, why trust someone fully with her heart? But Beca couldn't help herself. Chloe could make her do anything. She had convinced her to join the Bellas at the beginning of the year, and when Chloe wanted to watch a movie, Beca never said no. It was clear to the other Bellas what Beca felt for the redhead. But they also knew that Chloe returned the feelings, as she was always all over Beca, touching her arms or legs, kissing or on the top of the head when the brunette did something that Chloe was particularly proud of. She had the habit of wrapping Beca in to an impossibly tight hug and since she was that taller than her she would lean down and kiss her on the top of her head, in turn causing them both to smile bigger than anything the other girls had seen. It was obvious to everyone, so by the time Christmas time had come around, Beca had mustered up every ounce of confidence she had to tell Chloe how she felt, and that made everyone happy.

* * *

"Are you two just going to sit there and be mad or are you going to actually tell us what happened?" Aubrey knew something was wrong. Actually, everyone knew something was wrong. When Beca and Chloe walked in to the gym for practice, it wasn't the usual gleaming couple, smiling and holding hands. There was a large slam on the door when everyone looked up to see Chloe storming through to stand next to Aubrey, quickly followed by Beca, looking just as mad as her girlfriend, as she took her seat next to Amy. Neither of them said a word, and Beca spent most of Aubrey's usual lecture looking down at her hands, her jaw was clenched and her knuckles were white as she did her best not to cry at the argument they had before rehearsal. All the while, Chloe stood staring at the brunette containing what she wanted so eagerly to say.

"Plan on telling them, or should I?" Chloe was still fuming. All Beca could do was shake her head. Chloe completely oblivious to the tears that were brimming at her girlfriend's eyes with her head still held down. There was no way Beca could talk without breaking.

"Beca just finds it necessary to spend more time thinking about this mix she's being working on to really care about our _relationship_. The way those words were said made Beca cringe. "I don't think I've ever seen her so careless about the rest of the world, and what's her response to all this? _She_ doesn't seem to see the problem. She thinks it's just completely okay to forget about the fact that we had an entire night planned together."

Chloe was nearly shouting, the rest of the girls had never seen the redhead in such a state where she was this mad. She knew she was overreacting, but something inside of her sent her over the edge. Beca couldn't contain herself anymore.

"I'm TERRIBLY sorry that my work is important to me, and that it makes me happy."

"Oh and I don't make you happy?"

"Of course you do, but that doesn't mean I have to spend all of my time restrained to your side!"

"That also doesn't mean that you have to spend all of your time not caring about me just like your dad. What's next Beca, are you going to _walk out_ on me too?" Chloe stopped, and immediately wanted to stab herself. A small choking sound left her lips followed by a faint _ohmygod _just loud enough to hear.

Beca didn't know exactly how to respond to that, but the tears weren't being restrained anymore. She picked up her stuff and looked at Aubrey, muttering 'sorry' before running towards the door. Nobody else spoke. What were they supposed to say?

Chloe sat down on the ground hugging her knees. She just sat there staring blankly at the doors that her girlfriend just ran out of. _What the hell did I just do? _Her body was numb, and she barely noticed Stacie and Aubrey with their arms around her.

"I… I didn't mean it." Chloe couldn't manage to say anything else. She only saw Beca's face, now realizing that she hadn't even been mad anymore. She was hurt. She didn't want to relive those memories, but Chloe made her do it. She reached out her arms, and noticed that her fellow Bellas were standing around her, and Aubrey, Stacie and Cynthia Rose were pulling her off of the ground, only for her to stumble a little, but quickly catching her balance and slurring a 'thanks' when Stacie threw her arm straight out behind her back for support.

"We know you didn't mean it, Strawberry." Chloe looked up at Amy, who for once had a distressing expression on her face, and she recognized how this had affected the other girls. Even Lilly looked terrified. Chloe tried to smile at the nickname Amy had given her, remembering when Beca and Chloe walked in to the gym holding hands after they first became a couple. Amy was giggling uncontrollably until she finally bellowed 'STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE'. The nicknames always stuck with Amy, who spent the rest of the day calling herself as a witty genius. The smile quickly fell though, as the thoughts ran back through her head, only causing her to burst in to tears. Aubrey finally spoke up.

"Chloe, we _know_ you didn't mean what you said, but you need to go tell Beca that now."

Chloe stood still for a moment, staring back at the doors of the gym before focusing her attention back to her best friend.

"How can I _explain_ myself to her after that? That might be the worst possible thing I could have ever done to her."

"No, the worst possible thing you can do is sit here without making an effort. You love her Chloe." Stacie now grabbed both of the redhead's shoulders and was looking straight in to her eyes. "When Beca was completely oblivious to the fact that it was your one-month, she spent the rest of that month doing everything in her tiny authority to make you forgive her, even though it only took you like a day."

"Oh man. I remember that month. I don't think I've ever seen her stress out over something like the dinner that she set up for you guys the next day." Amy recalled the morning after Beca had forgotten her and Chloe's one-month anniversary, which honestly didn't even make the older girl too furious. Only a little upset.

* * *

_"AMY! AMY PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE IN THERE, I NEED YOUR HELP." _

_"Geez, are you getting murdered or something? What- why are you crying Shortcake?" _

_"I need you to help me plan the most romantic, most beautiful, most amazing date you could ever plan."_

_Beca made dinner that night. She found a pier near a lake and set it up with elegant lights and a table with candles and prepared the food in containers to take. She placed a rose on Chloe's bedroom door with a note that read _**come outside at 7**_. At 7, when she went outside, she saw a taxi with Beca standing in front of the door, waiting for her. When they got to the pier, it was lit up, and Chloe was entirely fascinated at what had been set up. After they ate, they went to sit on the edge of the pier, and the younger girl handed Chloe a box with a silver necklace with a "B" on it. _

_"You know how you always say you miss me when we aren't together? Well now, even if we're not together, you can still have me there." Beca smiled, because even though that was the tackiest thing she had ever said in her entire life, Chloe looked like she could burst in to tears at that moment. But that's how she knew that she did the right thing. _

* * *

Chloe immediately reached up at her chest, grasping the charm and closely examining it. Before anybody could say anything, the redhead immediately found herself bolting towards the door. The other girls couldn't help the smile that appeared across their faces. They all knew how much the two girls cared for each other, so it was agonizing for the entire group that the relationship had met such a bad time.

* * *

Beca sat under the same tree she always sat underneath in the middle of the campus. She generally only went to the tree when she wanted to study outside, or she just needed a quiet break from her roommate, with her headphones on and her head leaned back on her backpack. The brunette sat underneath the tree, this time, hugging her knees and observing the chain around her neck.

* * *

_"Chloe, what is this?" Beca saw a small white box sitting on her bed labeled 'Shortcake'_. _Inside of the box revealed a necklace that looked very familiar. Wait, there is a 'C' dangling from this chain. Of course. Chloe had taken the time to go to the same jewelry store her girlfriend had gone to, and found the same necklace, only with a 'C' instead of a 'B'. __**Perfect**__. When the younger girl realized what she had done, she called her girlfriend to question her. _

_"You're welcome." Chloe giggled, in turn, making Beca smile even bigger than before. "Now we can both have each other when we're apart. You were in class, and I'm going to be in class for another 2 ½ hours at least. After that, I'm going to dinner with my parents, so I won't be back until late tonight, and I thought about how much I would miss you. I hoped you would miss me just as much, so now, even if we're not together, you can still have me there." Beca's face dropped when she heard those words escape the older girls mouth, exactly quoting what she had said a few weeks prior. _

_"I love you. I'm going to put this on right now so that I can survive the night." Chloe squealed with joy, and Beca could tell she was probably on the verge of a happy cry. But before she gushed into tears of joy, she ended the phone call having to go to class, promising to meet up later that night." _

* * *

Beca lifted the 'C' to her lips, gently placing a kiss to the emblem. It had become a habit of hers to do that for no reason in particular, but it especially happened when she was either sad or anxious and Chloe was nowhere nearby. "I'm so sorry." It was a gentle whisper, but it was loud enough.

"No. You shouldn't be the one saying those words. Don't you even dare. _I'm _sorry. Beca, I'm so, so beyond sorry. I should have never said what I said." The older girl was hesitantly gasping words, out of breath, and bent down to put her hands on her thighs. There were tears brimming her eyes, but she wasn't sure if it was because of her emotions or because she just ran about a mile and a half to find her. She checked the dorm building first, figuring Beca would be putting her emotions in to a mix. After that she went to the radio station but before she could reach the door she remembered the tree and turned on her heels, nearly busting her ass in the process.

"Chloe I…"

"No, you need to hear this." She held up her hand, pleading. "What I did back there, and what I've been doing today is most definitely a side of me that I'm not even sure I've seen, and I hate myself for becoming that rational, but that doesn't justify it at all, and I'm not going to sit here and make excuses for myself because there really is none. I just want you to know that I didn't mean any of the things I said at the gym today, and I really need you to understand that."

"I would never walk out on you." Beca was astounded at how persistent Chloe was, and knew that she didn't want to be interrupted, but the words just formed without comprehension. The older girl dropped to her knees in front of the brunette's body, not quite sure if she would be allowed to touch her.

"Baby, I know. That's what I'm trying to say. You are nothing like him, and you never will be. You are amazing and beautiful and loving and, and no matter what you say you are the most adorable and most romantic person I've ever met. You are so great, yet I caused you all of this pain." After taking a brief pause for a breath, Beca knew there was more to be said so she waited patiently, as Chloe finally got up the nerve to grab both of her hands and move in as close as possible, still facing the front of her body.

"And I don't say this out of guilt of what I said at the gym, I say this out of the pure guilt of my heart, because I also regret everything that happened this morning. I know how much those mixes mean to you, and I know exactly why you love them so much. There is nothing I want more than for you to be happy, and I shouldn't have reacted the way I did, no matter what the circumstances were. I don't care about you forgetting our night tonight. I only got mad because I honestly did think that maybe you were getting to the point where you realized you didn't care about me as much as you thought you did, and I wanted to do everything I could to keep you, but I'm undoubtedly not doing a fantastic job at that am I? Out of all the ways I could have handled this, I guess my stress led me to believe hurting you was the only thing reasonable. I was so wrong."

"As much as we could argue this out, I should have shown more consideration towards this date we had planned. I was really looking forward to it, and I just got too caught up in what I was working on." Beca was still trying to take in what just happened. Why was Chloe doing this? The question burned at her, and she hoped the older girl would not retaliate because she just absolutely needed to know:

"Why are you so okay with this? Like I guess I get the fact that you think you overreacted, I just don't fully understand what's going on." Chloe could tell too. She saw her girlfriend's puzzled face but hoped that things would start making sense soon enough.

"Basically, a half an hour ago, a part of me wanted to push you away completely. I thought, _What if I'm no good for her? She deserves so much better than this._ After all this time, after I get you close to me, it's _me _who is pushing _you_ away from my life because I didn't think that I was the right person for you. But that didn't last long at all because I realized that I could never do that to you." She reached up towards the chain hanging halfway in her shirt. She pulled it out to hold between her fingers. She took a deep breath before continuing.

"Because, you see Beca, this helps me. It really does. When I can't be with you, I'm always fidgeting with this necklace. Aubrey gets annoyed sometimes because I completely lose focus and just stare at it and I pretend that you're there. But it can't compete with you actually being there." Beca shot her a questioning look. "Like, the other day when I was really stressed out about my essay, I wanted to come over and lay in your bed and just be with you. But you were working, and I just went to my room and waited for you to get off. And I texted you and told you to come over when you could, and I didn't care that it was one in the morning. I couldn't sleep, so I waited for you, and then when you finally came over I was so happy. Because nobody makes me happier than you. No one makes me feel like I'm special and beautiful and that I can do anything with myself and still be okay. You make sure to remind me of all of these things as often as you can." Beca was now smiling. She had relaxed her body, and Chloe dipped her head down to rest her chin on the younger girls knee and pouted.

"Please tell me you believe me when I say that I didn't mean what I said at all today."

"As long as you tell me that you believe me when I say I really do care about you. Don't think that I put anything above you, because you are the most important thing I have ever had in my life. I don't understand why you put up with me like you do, but I don't want it to be the other way around because I love you and I don't want to lose you."

"I love you too. And you don't have to worry about losing me. I'll always keep coming back to you. Obviously. I just nearly diagnosed myself with asthma trying to find you. I worked too hard to break down those walls of yours. I've fought too much to get you, there's no way I'm letting you go because I said something I didn't mean to say."

"I shouldn't have left things the way that I did. I need to go back there and apologize to the girls."

"That or we can just go back to your dorm and take a nap."

"It'll take five minutes, I promise." And with that, Beca stood up and reached out for Chloe's hand. When she stood up, she wrapped her arms around the younger girl, who began to sob in to her shoulder. This came as a surprise to the redhead, but she just held her tighter and kissed the top of her head. "Please don't leave me." Chloe understood how distraught she was.

"Never. I swear."

* * *

Beca and Chloe walked in to the gym hand in hand. The Bellas were about to leave for the day because Aubrey decided to make it a short practice, and immediately stopped and looked at the two. Aubrey was smiling more than anyone had seen her smile all year.

"Aw yay Strawberry Shortcake is okay again." Amy instantly slapped her knee. "That's still _amazing_! Aha, yes sir, I am a charmer. But really though… You two are okay again. That's good."

"Thank goodness, I thought we were all going to have a mental breakdown if you two didn't kiss and make up." Stacie ran over to the girls to envelope them into a hug.

"We're really sorry you guys. We were both pretty stupid today, and we shouldn't have brought our issues in to rehearsal." Beca looked to Chloe who smiled and nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, Aubrey, it won't happen again."

"It's fine. We didn't really do much today, and we're calling it off early since everyone seems pretty tired." Beca looked disappointed, and Aubrey was quick to notice. "It's not your fault, honestly. I mean, look at us, we're all pretty exhausted, and I've been slaving you guys around a lot this week. It's Friday night. Get out!" Everyone smiled, and the Bellas began to leave, saying 'goodbye' and going separate ways for the day.

Beca and Chloe went to the dorm building and spent the next hour lying in bed. Beca curled in to the older girls body and wrapped her arm around her waist. Chloe's arms draped over Beca's shoulders, and they just talking about anything and everything.

"So we really need to get ready." Chloe looked down at her girlfriend confused.

"For what? You promised we could nap." The redhead pouted her lip, causing Beca to tilt her head, placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

"Well, I have an amazing date with my girlfriend planned for tonight. And I'm not going to miss it for anything."


End file.
